The Most unbearable exprience in my live!!!

Today is 1st March 2007...Rainy & Cooling Day...

Hello, finally finish my 2nd semester exam le... However, i should feel happy but i dunno why happiness doesn't come in for for.. I dunno how i should explain my feelings now.. After struggling for so many weeks of study juz for the exam, i do not feel any satisfied feeling telling myself that all is over and i should continue with wad i always wanna do.. EveryDay seems to pass very slowly... Maybe it's because loneliness is coming real soon to mi... Many things had happened.. I feel that i am realli slow in seeing things like relationship or even friendship... I realli dunno why???

Firstly, a friend of mine actually started a relationship not long ago.. The whole world may noe that she had started but not me... I always thought that we are friends and would share all our happiness and sadness together . So, I was hoping that she will tell me personally ..But she didn't.. I was told by another friend that they are together. It was before my last paper. I was happy for them after hearing the news. However, still hoping that she will break the news again herself, i waited for her with the other friend of mine. While waiting, I knew more about them.. She actualli share more things with this other friend rather than me.. The other friend noes more about it .. So she told mi about them.. After picking up her call, we went to meet up.. Seeing her with the guy holding hands... However, she still didn't tell mi about.. I noe that it is obvious that they are together..

But after thinking about, I felt so dispair... Why i am always the last to noe wad had happen to my friends??? Izzit because i dun care for them or izzit because i am not worth to be their friends??? While writing this post, I am realli down.. Tears is running down.. I realli care for my friends.. i wish to be the one that they can turn in to when they are happy or even wad sad things they may encounter... Now, i am not sure where's my direction.. should i juz continue walking forward and not care about wad had happened or should i care bout the current problem of whether my 'friends' will leave mi... After entering poly, I feel that all my friends are leaving me far behind...i am not able to catch up with them anymore..I am realli feeling tired now.. realli tired...

Secondly, the most tiring thing i had done together was to brush off the water in my house.. Have you heard of flooding in a house located on the Twentyth Floor??? That happened in my house... I felt so fustratred with my Dad's fish.. It actualli knocked again the water pipe.. and all the water came flloding moii house living room and dining hall... wad is this?? Y tortured mi so many things.. Am i born on earth to get tortured with all this rubbish??? Why treat mi like this???